When I was a junior in college I got a 9-week old kitten. Best decision of my life. I can vividly remember being at the Bangor Humane Society and looking for a fun and frisky boy kitten. While I was looking at one hyper active tabby, a little ball of fur no bigger than the palm of my hand, climbed out of a pile of kittens and made its way to the edge of the adjacent cage. She was all ears and eyes. She looked up at me, blinked once, and it was love.
The runt of a runty litter, she turned 11 this past July and I consider her my longest and most successful relationship. Her name is Duck. She is gorgeous and likes no one but me. Break ups, losing jobs, deaths, every kind of heartache I’ve faced as an adult Duck has been beside me. I have a lot of anxiety and she calms me in a very particular way and I like to think I do the same for her.
Today I had my first ever emergency room vet visit with her. It was terrifying and expensive. She woke me up in the middle of the night with howls of pain that sounded like she was saying “I’m dying” and as of about noon time yesterday, I was certain she was. Right now as I type this she is comfortably purring next to me, it has been a long day for both of us. I am so thankful that what seemed like certain doom this morning turned out to be a treatable discomfort for her. While in the waiting room I nervously did the thing that I do, I wrote down what was going on in my brain. Here are 21 thoughts at the emergency vet.
- Why is everyone so calm in here?
- Okay fine I will sit and wait while my cat just continues to howl and scare every other cat in this place out of its mind.
- This lady next to me has a cat that isn’t gonna make it, its 17 years old and has cancer.
- What if Duck has cancer, she is only 11, and should I treat her? Is that fair to her? Am I prolonging her life selfishly?
- How the heck am I going to pay for cancer treatment?
- Wait, how am I going to pay for today? It’s the start of the month and I don’t get paid til Friday
- If you can’t ‘pay do they take your cat away from you?
- A woman and a man come out of one of the examining rooms with an empty laundry basket with a blanket in it. He has been crying. And now I am sort of crying.
- The UPS man comes in and Duck growls so loudly at him that he tells me she is scarier than any dog, and that makes me feel a little better
- If Duck has cancer I can’t go to work today
- If Duck dies I don’t know if I can ever go to work again
- Seriously I will just like lay down and cry forever
- I am an adult person who cannot lose my job because of crying over a cat *starts crying in waiting room a little*
- If I got a kitten what would I name it?
- I am the worst person in the world for ever thinking that right now. There are just pictures of kittens everywhere in this place.
- Maybe Goat?
- They are taking Duck to examine her and I have never missed her more than this very moment of separation
- The doctor calls me into the room with an upbeat voice
- CAT CONSTIPATION CURE COSTS HOW MUCH
- Duck is waking up and also so angry now
- Walking out with an empty wallet and a full cat carrier is such a strange and envious position to be in. The things we do for love.